It takes an immense amount of strength to forgive, which I have learnt over the past few months. Through that strength, I have found freedom through my new-found ability to forgive. I am such a stubborn person and I used to hold onto grudges for too long, not realising that stubbornness had become a weakness that I was mistaking for strength. I battled a long time with my own inability to forgive and have held onto the pain caused by those I believed had wronged me in the hopes that being cold and hard would punish those people. However, I wasn’t punishing them because those people had already moved on and were progressing with their lives. I was only punishing myself because I couldn’t move on. I was holding onto the animosity and the pain as a reminder to be strong.
I became a negative person who was frightened of letting anyone in, constantly maintaining a shield of protection. I automatically assumed that allowing people to get close would give them the opportunity to hurt me. I was blind to the fact that by automatically having a negative outlook, the situation would automatically become negative because I was allowing the negativity to become the focus. I refused to take the time to appreciate the positive, concentrating on the negative and maintaining the protective shield. Although I thought my shield was my biggest defence, it was preventing the positive opportunities from entering my life.
A few weeks ago, I reached a turning point and realised that strength and power comes from the ability to forgive. I am able to face the difficult times, get through them and then let go. Being cold and hard is not strength. It is fear masquerading as courage. For so long I saw forgiveness as weakness. I was wrong. Forgiveness is strength and strength is beauty.
I’ve been developing a blog for over a year now and finally feel as though it’s ready to be shared. I have often given up, out of fear of my own failure. I was scared that I would be negatively received or not received at all. I still am scared, but now I’m using that fear and turning it into determination. I am my own biggest critic and a perfectionist. I have been stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and reluctance for so long never believing that what I have is good enough to be shared. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a writer. I’ve toyed with the notions of other professions, but writing was the only one that ever made my imagination run wild with possibilities. I want to write with words that have the magic to change lives. I want to share hope through diction. But most of all I want to inspire those who don’t dare believe in themselves. This is where it all begins, the book I’m working on, and the blog that documents the process.
Welcome to the dream, I hope you enjoy the journey.